William James

William James
We must get by on what truth we have today, and be willing to call it error tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

What qualities can a woman reasonably demand from a husband in a monogamous marriage?

I stated:

Barring health issues which are beyond a man's control, I believe a woman should reasonably be able to expect the following from her husband. The fist category is unconditional, and the second category is conditional. Since these are just my preliminary thoughts, I reserve the right to be wrong and to revise my views upon further contemplation, experience, and upon considering other ideas and arguments.

Category One:
a. to make a diligent effort to support the family financially;
b. to make significant reductions in the free time he would otherwise have to himself if he were single, in order to spend time with her and the kids;
c. to regularly show kindness to her of his own volition without being asked (i.e., wash the dishes, buy gifts, buy flowers, give massages, change diapers, take over other responsibilities to give her a break to have time by herself or with her friends, etc.);
d. to never be physically violent towards or swear at her or the children;
e. to make a sincere effort to be civil towards her when there are arguments;
f. to discipline and teach the children with love;
g. to not treat her as a sex object, demand sex, or demand that she participate in any sexual activity that she is not comfortable with;
h. to involve her in major decisions which affect her such as financial decisions, career, residency, etc.;
i. to be respectful of her right to choose her own religious views or lack thereof, and her own political views;
j. to make reasonable efforts to maintain good health, physical fitness, and an aesthetic physical appearance;
k. to help her with physically demanding tasks which are difficult for her;
l. to be charitable and generous towards her and others;
m. to support, as much as economically practical, her educational and career choices;
n. to listen to her respectfully-voiced problems and concerns and either try to help solve them or at least show empathy when possible;
o. to adopt a generally forgiving attitude towards her;
p. to not have sexual relations with anyone else so long as they are married and as long as divorce is an option;
q. to wisely manage the family finances in order to live within their means unless there is an emergency;
r. to not be hypocritical, and to hold himself to the same standards which he believes she should be held to;
s. to protect her and the children from harm.

Category Two:
a. to engage in, and make himself available for, sexual intimacy with her, and to try to satisfy her sexually;
b. to share his innermost concerns and thoughts;
c. to curtail (but not eliminate) sexual thoughts about other women;
d. to refrain from flirting with other women;
e. to be completely honest with her;
f. to feel emotionally connected with her;
g. to share with her equal rights and decision-making power to any and all property which he might otherwise personally own (community property or marital property would of course already be jointly controlled)

I struggle with laying out what exactly are/ought to be the conditions I would attach to category two. But some preliminary thoughts are that all of the following are factors that contribute to whether a woman can reasonably expect the items in category two from her husband:
a. she honors and respects him for his living up to the items in Category One, and makes clear to him through words and actions that she loves him for who he is and is not judgmental towards him;
b. she shows respect for his beliefs and views, and does not try to make him feel inferior or guilty for disagreeing on religious doctrine or political views;
c. she recognizes and sincerely attempts to fulfill his sexual needs;
d. she makes a reasonable effort to maintain good health and an aesthetically pleasing appearance;
e. she makes a reasonable effort to fulfill whatever domestic responsibilities she may have (which will typically be greater if she is a stay-at-home mom);
f. she refrains entirely from any physical violence towards him;
g. she demonstrates responsibility and trustworthiness when it comes to finances;
h. she refrains from sexual relationships apart from him;
i. she proactively tries to minimize any tendency to nag or be critical of him;
j. she refrains from hypocrisy;
k. she allows him freedom within reason in his sexual thoughts, and does not try to intrude on those thoughts without being non-judgmental (although this as previously noted does not require her to engage in any sexual activity with which she is not comfortable)

No comments:

Post a Comment